In Pursuit of…?

Life is a race they say. What is worth chasing at all is what is worth chasing well. Right? Who will provide the answers to raging questions?

Approval. Success. Achievements. Wholeness. Even Love.

In the end what are we really chasing? We need to sit and ask ourselves what makes us happy. Whatever it is, the end goal should never be to acquire materials (that’s being selfish). It should be based on how best to live your life.

These days, we are blessed with a gift called Google and if you’re a Christian, the Bible is your first manual, before browsing things out and talking to carefully selected people.

This is actually one of my methods. You’ll be amazed at what answers you can get from the Bible. Where does Google come in for Christians? Punching in things like “What does the Bible say about handling stress?” is definitely a good way to start.

Talk to trusted people, listen to healthy podcasts. There are different levels of knowledge.

Uncertainty can be frightening but it only teaches you to trust. Your heart may beat super fast when you face things bigger than you are. It just means that when you overcome, you can safely say it was not in your own strength. Only then will you have reached the peak of your strength and potential.

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Help! I’m distracted!

This post is a continuation from the last one.

Distractions are deadly. Yes, they are. Everyone gets distracted, especially ladies. We want to be the ‘superwoman’ and do everything at once.

2. Please understand that God has given you strength and ability but has also given wisdom. You are not helpful to anyone when you wear yourself out. So I’ll say this (I’m talking to myself to o! Lol). If you are a very determined person, you can load yourself, if that works for you but don’t get busy doing nothing. At the end of each day, you should feel like you’ve grown a little more (even if it’s just an inch) and you’ve helped one or two people. However, if you are someone (like me), who gets distracted and needs a little push here and there. Do. Not. Load yourself with unrealistic tasks just because everyone else has a checklist. Take a maximum of 3-4 important tasks per day. Categorize each one to make sure they are growing you in at least one area of your life. That way you end up feeling more fulfilled and less frustrated.

3. God is a very important factor. Jesus is real and He has sent us a helper that is closer than close. Trust me when I say the Holy Spirit is someone that can help you with anything. You just need to keep your heart and mind open.


4. Rome was not built in a day. Today I still got distracted but it was not as bad as it used to be. If you make a mistake or mistakes, it’s not the end of the world. I had to start telling myself “What’s the worse that can happen?”, then I just ignore my fears or doubts and plunge right into it. (Again, apply wisdom. It is not everything you can risk. Don’t go quoting me saying I put you in trouble Lol).

5. Whenever someone pays you a compliment or you feel like you have done something that makes you happy or others happy, write it down. It’ll help overcome negativity or pessimism. Whatever good or bad qualities you think you have, you are wrong. You don’t have them, you act them out/do them. It’s a conscious effort, a behavior you choose over the other. Although, as believers, we have God’s spirit working in us, we also have a line of decisions to make that determine what our lives turn out to be. Form good habits. It would not happen overnight but it will get better. It always does.

6. You like oso free!!! Go and apply the one you’ve learnt. Bye!

Help, I’m distracted! (I)

This can mean different things for different people. In the era of the high and mighty platform called social media, It is really an added list of things to be addicted to. We don’t forget to include pornography, drugs, money, depression amongst a lengthy list. These and more are very attractive. What to do? Are we doomed? Certainly not!

Please don’t get me wrong, social media is an amazing means to connect with loved ones and to share God’s word but we should try not to allow it slowly take the place of important things in our lives. It’s something that slowly eats into our time and before we know it, we are scrolling away checking out “videos you may like” (sounds familiar?).

I watched a video earlier today and (the amazing) Sarah Jakes Roberts had used an Illustration of how stores go on sale so new inventory can come in. We all know how excited we can get when we see ” up to 70% discount” on those doors. This is because these things give chance for refreshing and new things. The same way we should try what we can to let go of other distractions. For you, It may not be social media. It may just be your addiction to anything that makes you talk yourself out of personal growth.

In many cases, we may even be doing the right thing at the right time but then we find ourselves dropping those goals and picking up new ones right away. Just because everyone out there is plunging themselves into the popular ‘new year resolutions’ does not mean you should. There is absolutely nothing more fulfilling than when you can finish up a book or some article (Yes, I’m guilty as well, Lol). You are at your best and more helpful to others, not when you remain a yes-man, but when you stay true to who you are as a person.

I can almost hear “but everyone says that. I need something practical to work with here!”. Trust me I have been in those shoes and I’m finding my way out, yanking myself off. Here are a few things that have helped me out so far.

  1. You are the prophet of your life: being a bubbly but quiet person, tagged as ‘weird’ and ‘funny’ a lot of times, It’s been tough to take the wheel when it comes to everyday living. What people’s expectation and standards does to you is that you become utterly confused. You have no sense of direction, no goals or dreams of your own. You just find yourself adjusting your behavior because different comments have been made by different people. Hey! watch it! One person passes a negative comment about how they don’t like the way you do a particular thing and then you change and the person is happy. Good! But what happens when another person says your newly acquired self is terrible and unpleasant and weird? Do you change again? Ask yourself, do I really want to go through this exhausting cycle? Or do I want to truly evaluate myself on my own terms and change what I think needs to be changed? Push yourself towards any healthy habit or activity that makes you very happy and at peace and makes people want to be around you for longer periods of time. Ask yourself after each goal or task, do I feel better and more confident about myself? Step by step, put your happiness and health first and then you can be of true help to others.

I was not the one: free yourself.

It’s been a while since I posted an article like this. “My sincere apologies for that”,

“I really am sorry, please forgive me”.

There are a whole lot of times when we allow and indulge things, people, situations and end up being mad at ourselves for making that choice. Did you know? Flowing with people’s definition of ‘normal’, going with what is exactly expected of you can be exhausting and emotionally draining. One minute, you’re looking in the mirror, admiring what you have become, the next It’s all moments of doubt. What has happened? What have you become? Certainly not your true self! What on earth have you done?? “I’m sorry”. You say this even when it’s not necessary.

PS: Before you continue reading, this is not a post to give you the ginger to become rebellious and rude!

*post continues*

Like I was saying, free yourself. Pull yourself out before you drown in the high and mighty standards. Take that step. It looks stupid or silly or wild! ( You were not the one, society did that). ” It would never be recognized”. Stop! ( You were not the one, high and unrealistic expectations did that). You want to save the world, yes! No! Start with yourself. You cannot give from an empty place. What is that (positive) thing you get so caught up in? Yes, that!  Sound crazy and out of line! Go for it! Live for God, yourself. Grow. at. your. own. pace.  Stop again!

PS: I’m not saying be selfish.

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Look for what will first make you happy.  What sport? What hobby? What food? ( food makes a lot of people happy. Lol); then you can find what is mutually beneficial for you and the ones you love and you truly know care about you.  Please! If your job or your marriage or school makes you miserable! Do something! Reach out, you will find someone that will take you seriously. Don’t die in it! Also, what on earth is it with the comparison biko?  Do yourself a favor and cut it out. Case closed. 

 

Another matter dey ground. ( no disrespect meant and no direct reference intended). Often times, I hear what some adults put each other through and what they put those who are ‘under them’ through. What’s with all the unnecessary drama, it’s not that complicated. It is wrong and very unfair and unnecessarily stressful. Don’t step on people and bring them down, treating them like they are nothing,  just because you can. Again, case closed.

Always remember, you are loved, you are appreciated. You may not realize it, people may even be too proud to acknowledge your worth. Keep at it, for in due season, you will reap, if you faint not.

 

PS: sorry for not posting in a while and keeping Y’all in suspense! I might just be back online. Lol!

 

 

 

SENTENCED III

“P…p…prostitute, y…you sh…should be ashamed of your…self f…for s…sleeping with a thug! Yoou have k…illed the man now” Hippy spat the words out just as her mother had done that day. She paused and frowned, then continued talking.

“I took a good look at my blood-stained hands. It had not dawned on me yet. I was too much in shock to cry out for help or even defend myself from mum’s accusations.” Lade sat still, almost frozen, staring at this big, grown woman. Hippy had burst into tears, sobbing like a baby.

Lade stared at both hands, trying to see if they would be big enough to give the warmest hug she possibly could. She looked back at her and shook her head; as if in heavy disappointment. Hippy laughed, scattering Lade’s hair “don’t worry your big heart”. As Hippy headed for her bed space, she turned back, frowning just a little “if anybody knows about this ehn..!” Lade gave a weak smile, nodding and patting her hair back into place.

It was not long before Hippy fell asleep, snoring loudly. Lade looked out through the window and thought about her family. She did not understand why everything had happened the way it had. She was never able to deal with the pain. How could a God that loved her so much have allowed this? Her father had never stopped drinking after her brother had died and had told her the only way to numb the pain was to drink and smoke. Lade did just that.

…………

“The only one for me, asake, I am sorry, I don’t do these things to hurt you on purpose. Omalichanwa, please forgive a foolish man” Eddy pacified his wife. Turning to face him, she went silent. Eddy gently wiped the tear that was threatning to drop from the corner of her eye and kissed her forehead. Joyce often times, did not need to say a word.

God had blessed her with a man that was not hard and stubborn at heart. She knew her husband cherished her and had never laid a finger on her.She was just scared she would loose him to alchohol. ” My husband, I have asked you to quit. This job has pushed you to the extreme” Joyce always spoke with respect and Eddy appreciated her for it. “But, it is bringing us enough” He said the same thing over and over.

Just Trust.

Ever felt like you have absolutely nothing figured out in your life? Like you always seem to be ‘behind’? Do you wish you could snap your fingers and Voila! You know what to do! Well…You aint the only one! There are tons of people who’d wish to be where you are! (Yeah, I know we’ve all heard that cliche), but its the truth. You need to stop struggling and being so hard on yourself.

PS: this is not a post on steps to getting your solutions instantly.

The honest truth is that, we all have stuff to figure out, whether some peeps want to admit it or not. Remember(if you have forgotten) and come to a knowledge( if you were not aware) that:

YOU HAVE CREATIVE ABILITY: I read a book recently, called ‘Vacancy:you are urgently needed’ by Folorunso Aliu and Anedge Ekiotenne, two very succesful men. In the book, the authors bring to realisation the ability we have to create opportunities, solutions. Believing in your capacity, no matter what other people say or do, is important.

YOU ARE ON A JOURNEY:

For those of us (*smiles*), who often ,take very lenghthy road trips,you know how there can be a turn of tables when it comes to others being seemingly ahead of you. Sometimes the ‘First bus gets there last, meanwhile, those who are in the third batch to take off, may not be grateful until they see the first batch arriving late at night.”Don’t worry your head! You will do well” those were the words that kept falling on my ears. So, keep that in mind

DON’T PUT YOURSELF UNDER UNDUE PRESSURE:

You are not everybody’s expectation, decide to be happy. Those who love you will truly want to know your welfare and not stress you on purpose. Yes, you should have things you want to achieve but please, make sure those things are what you enjoy and take them one step at a time. Don’t wear yourself out. Never, ever, ever compare yourself to the standard of others or the society! Haba! It is exhausting! You are an original. “Easy o jeje…”. Aye o le( life is not that hard)

IT WILL WORK OUT FOR YOUR GOOD

If you’re a believer in Jesus, (which you actually should be, it makes life easier), you know that all things will eventually fall into place when you walk with God. Make yourself better everyday
Compete with yourself, mistakes are allowed!!! It just shows a thousand wrong ways you can eventually try again and get right.
What is that thing people always ask you to do? Find out.

Its a process! (Long one, you say?_), but, it will only be better. Trying to always hurriedly”Figure it out” is not the best for you! Pray,act and then watch. Live happy, speak positive. It. will. all. work out.

THERE ARE OPPORTUNITIES EVERYWHERE, PREPARE

Look around you, prepare yourself and pick an opportunity to work with. Live ready.

PURPOSE IS NOT AS AMBIGIOUS AS YOU THINK

This is something that not far-fetched and is easier than you think. Yes, it will take you time to figure what you do best that others benefit positively from, but. You will eventually see it right in front of you.

STICK TO GOD

This. Is. Key! He will show you how. Don’t be in such a hurry, don’t give him ‘deadlines’. Ask! Like a child would ask their parent, but don’t demand answers, it’s kinda rude, don’t’cha think?

PS: God loves you and he cares.

SENTENCED II

It was 3am. Lade froze as Hippy’s eyes met hers. The iron bed made a screeching sound as hippy sat up. She gave Lade a side smile, she just enjoyed that look, it gave her pleasure, the kind bullies got after preying on their targets.The Laughter was on its way, it was being prepared, like a boiling pot of vegetable Soup.Lade was still on guard, waiting, expecting all that came with the loud snorts. The strangest thing happened. Ha! Lade could not believe her eyes! She wanted to scream “Ehn? What just happened”  This time around the smile melted. It had never been heard of about hippy.Lade watched in shock as hippy’s head dropped in despair. A sad look fell over her face. She got up as gently she could. Lade rubbed her eyes to be certain she was not dreaming. Hippy moved towards lade’s bed corner and sat on the floor. She beckoned to Lade to join her. Lade became skeptical, she decided to join hippy on the cold floor. “Lean back and scratch”. She took a look at the walls behind her, they looked like they could burst her sores open. The thought of what would become of her back after that terrified her. She obeyed, still in awe. Hippy had never spoken to her. She was just supposed to be this big bully with wide hips constantly used as a weapon for her prey. Lade began to rub her back against the wall. She almost hated the fact that she was listening to hippy’s advice but her back had not felt like this in a long time and she didn’t want to move an inch from where her back found rest. “i was 15 when my mom started drinking. It was embarrassing for me everywhere i went. I became a laughing stock. My mom could not deal with it. She had cared too long about protecting her husband’s political career and so she gave me up too. She knew she could not explain my father’s actions and why he took all his frustration out on me” Hippy paused and gave a weak smile as she successfully fought back the tears. She continued her story “My dad would always send thugs to threaten my mom to stop trying to fix things with him. He stated clearly he had another wife”. “My mum and I always ended up in a fight. She didn’t understand how all this was affecting me. So she kept trying to ‘make peace with her husband’. I couldn’t tell her what had been going on. I couldn’t tell anyone”  

Lade sat still, wide-eyed, her back had stopped itching for some reason. Hippy was not surprised at her reaction. “don’t sit there feeling sorry for me.” This time the side smile was a little stronger. Hippy continued her story. “… And so the thugs were always sure to deliver the message. Only that they always added extra to the ‘to do’ list.

“One of the days mom had gone out to drink. It was getting dark and and she was staying out longer than she usually would. The thugs came and did not meet her at the house, so they decided that i take the message on her behalf” Hippy paused again and shook her head violently, throwing her head back. It was as if she felt the pain all over again. ” after they were done battering me. They turned to leave. One of them shook his head out of dissatisfaction and turned back to me. He had an evil smile on his face. I knew what that meant. I had known that look only too well. I blamed myself. I didn’t get away fast enough. So they took turns in ruining what was left of my self worth.” After much effort of fighting, a tear dropped from Hippy’s eyes. They were interrupted by one of the wardens on duty. Tall and thick, with the clashing sound of keys ringing loud. They both waited for the warden to pass. Hippy continued” I didn’t realize how much all this had gotten to me. One of the late nights they came, i prepared myself. I didn’t wait for the man to unbutton his shirt before i grabbed the kitchen knife i had kept under the couch. It happened too fast. I didn’t understand where the strength came from,  i didn’t care” Hippy’s smile came back. “Just as that happened, mum entered, dead-drunk and saw what had happened”  This time, hippy covered her mouth, laughing hard as tears ran down her cheeks. Lade understood how people could do that. She had seen her mother do it. ” what did my mom do about what she saw?”